Life After The Breakup

"Wow, you actually broke up with him? What are you going to do now after the breakup?"  Those are usually the first words out of your best friend's mouth. As you are thinking over the fight you just had, you are wondering if you did the right thing in breaking up. 

Well, take two seconds and step back to see what you could have done different. When you were fighting:

1.    Was it a fair fight or did you do all the blaming for the “wrong” in the relationship?

2.    Were you held accountable for something you did that upset your partner to the point of breaking up?

3.    Was the argument over something trivial that got blown out of proportion?

4.    And, finally, was that fight over trust or money?  Both of those topics carry a lot of weight in a relationship.

When you are first getting out of a relationship, it may seem like you will never be able to live without that person.  The first few nights you won’t be able to sleep because your thoughts will be racing through your head all night long.   You aren’t alone.  Many thousands of people have experienced this. One minute you think you are in love and the next you are breaking up.  That’s a lot for your brain to wrap around.  So, here are some steps to help you get back on track again. 

 1.     If you find yourself spending all day thinking over the broken relationship, then you need to become firm with yourself and set a timer.  Think about that relationship for 15 minutes at a time.  Allow yourself that time to just wonder over all the past memories.  But, when 15 minutes is over, you need to dive back into work, working out, a hobby, etc.  Don’t let yourself be idle for too long.  You need to stay busy and occupied. 

2.    While you are in the 15 minute zone, make sure it’s a productive 15 minutes.  Write down some of the good times and the bad times you experienced.  Make sure you analyze why it was a bad or good time. 

3.    Take advantage of this break up time to make some “single changes” to yourself.  If you need an update in hair, nails, makeup, or weight, now is the time to get those things done.  You don’t want your ex to see you and think you look like heck.  You want them to miss you and remember you looking like a million bucks. 

I know it’s hard to focus on anything other than the relationship when the breakup first happens; however, you have to have the will to make yourself a better person.  Don’t contact your ex right away.  There is hope in the “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” statement.  Let them miss you.  You want them to be going through the same thoughts you are.  You want them to remember the good times and how you glowed in their presence.  

I know it’s hard to believe, but you aren’t the only one that is experiencing heartache and you need to remember that no matter what “game face” is put on, they have the same hurts you do, at least for the time being.  So, take this time to work on you and get yourself back into a good frame of mind to take on another relationship.  

If you feel like you're ready to fix your relationship and get you ex back, get this great book by T.Dub Jackson and go through the steps he offers to get back on your feet and be ready for the "Making Up" process.  Magic of Making Up